I had a chance to actually listen in Church yesterday, and something really struck me.  I have heard the Passion read at least once a year as long as I've been alive, and of course more often with school and bible study and what not.  But I had never really paused to think about what Jesus said on the Cross before he died.  "My God!!  Why have you forsaken me?"

Isn't that marvelous?  It shows His human side, that He, God in Person, could feel so alone and abandoned.  He who knows God the Father better than any of us, He can still feel like God is nowhere, not on His side.

So when I am in pain, in doubt and despair, maybe I shouldn't add to that the guilt and anger at feeling abandoned by God.  I can take comfort that even Jesus Christ suffered these feelings, and of course more so.  And I know that like Jesus, God offers me eternal life with Him in Paradise.  I know that God certainly did not abandon Jesus, that our Savior had to drink the bitter cup in order to fulfill a greater destiny.  And so it is in my small life, that I too must Take Up My Cross, suffer and maybe sometimes even feel ignored by God, for my greater destiny.

I'm sure many of you have known this and it's no revelation to you, but this is the year I finally Got it, finally understood these words.  The blessings keep on coming!!

I know I'm not supposed to, trying to follow Christianity, but I believe that this one is not my first life.  I'm pretty sure I've had others.  Here is my most recent reason why.

I am taking a couple of painting classes from my kid's art teacher.  I have wanted to paint since college and my roommate was a great painter.  While other rooms had pictures up, or dorm room had high-quality paintings.  Any way, I thought about taking classes before but never got around to it until this opportunity came up.

It turns out I'm learning this easily.  Super easily.  I even amaze my teacher.  I feel like I remember doing this before, the color mixing, the way I hold the brush and certain techniques; it all really feels familiar.  She'll show me a trick, and I think, oh yeah I knew that.

I conclude in a past life, I did oil painting, mostly landscapes.

How about you?  Is there any skill that you picked up easily, that felt familiar?  How about any phobias that came on suddenly and with no apparent reason?  I've read that that is a good argument for a past-life experience coming through.

Ahh how I love this weather and this time of year.  OK, it is too cold and windy, but thank God I can see sunlight again.  It really does make a psychological difference to me.  Do any of you get that way?  I think it's an actual studied condition, with papers in journals and all that.  Now it just needs to warm up, have some bulb flowers pop up, and all will be right with my world.  This winter has held on long enough.

I also enjoy the sun rise at 6 o'clock.  I guess the clocks will be sprung ahead soon.  When is that?  Before or after Easter?  Do any of you do the Catholic sunrise Easter service?  I just love those.  Although I've yet to try dragging the kiddies out that early.  Maybe in another couple of years.

I'd like to blame it on the cold weather, the fierce wind, the fleeting sunlight through heavy clouds.  Maybe I could blame lack of sleep, or not eating right or that the air in the house is stale.  It would be comforting to have something external to blame for my bad moods, my unloving behavior. 

But the fact of the matter is, I absolutely believe a person Chooses how she feels and behaves.  And thus I have to take full responsibility for getting stressed out with the family and the condition of the house, weather, my body, etc.  I know I can be better (kinder, more loving, more tolerant, more helpful) than I was over the weekend.  And this is where prayer comes in, where meditation for that inner calm falls just a wee bit short and I have to go direct to the Source and ask for His peace.  Prayer is such a wonderfully humbling experience any way.  That admission, "I don't want to do this on my own and I can't do it alone any way.  Please send me Your Grace and awaken again my eyes to Your presence."  Amen.

I saw that bumper sticker yet again today.  I think it's making a come-back or something.  Maybe one of the local churches ordered a zillion of them and handed them out with Communion.  Who knows.  I don't agree with the No Jesus, No Peace part, because it's not accurate.  There are plenty of people out in the world leading solidly-founded moral peaceful lives who have no interest in Jesus whatsoever. 

But Know Jesus, Know Peace.  There is really something to that.  I hope that at least some of the Pro-Life Minivan Moms driving around with that sticker stopped to really think about it.  You can spout off about Jesus all you like, what you believe He said, commanded, demands now.  Judging others or yourself harshly, so called by-the-Book, misses the point.  But to really Know Christ, to really understand his message and utter focus on love and unity, that's when Peace happens.

I strive for that Knowledge.